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I spent the first 21 years of my life terrified of dying. Then I died. And I’ve spent 25 years since trying to figure out how I can replicate that experience. Without the dying part.

"Imagine how a caterpillar might feel when it gets too big for its cocoon. It becomes claustrophobic and knows that it has to break out but doesn’t want to because it is safe and familiar and the cocoon is all that the caterpillar has known. Eventually it starts suffocating and in desperation, just before it takes its last breath; it breaks free and emerges into the sunlight as a beautiful butterfly, fluttering away on a gentle spring breeze. But then just as the butterfly begins to appreciate its amazing freedom, she’s told she has to go back, that it’s not time yet. And she finds herself in all her newly discovered beauty, back in her cocoon."

This is the episode that inspired the Dying to Live series which contains episodes of 'knowingness' or insights provided to the author during her profound experience of dying.

This episode was previously published as 'The Day I Died' by Khyiah Angel.

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