NOT "Just Friends"
Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity
Good people in good marriages are having affairs. Well-intentioned people who never intended to be unfaithful are unwittingly forming deep, passionate connections before they realize that they've crossed the line that separates platonic friendship from romantic love. Today's workplace and the Internet have become the new danger zones of attraction and opportunity -- the most fertile breeding grounds for affairs. In the new crisis of infidelity, more and more marriages are being threatened by friendships that have slowly and insidiously turned into love affairs. Yet you can protect your relationship by recognizing the red flags along the slippery slope. You're right to be cautious when you hear these words: "I'm telling you, we're just friends."
Shirley P. Glass, Ph.D., one of the world's leading experts on infidelity, draws on more than two decades of original research and hundreds of clinical cases to chronicle the human story of what occurs before, during, and after the trauma of betrayal. In NOT "Just Friends," Dr. Glass reveals that the disclosure of infidelity is a traumatic event that can reverberate for months -- even years. An important therapeutic breakthrough, her trauma recovery approach helps couples cope with the obsessions, volatile emotions, flashbacks, and other post-traumatic reactions of betrayed partners.
In NOT "Just Friends," infidelity is any secret sexual, romantic, or emotional involvement that violates commitment to an exclusive relationship. An emotional affair, in fact, can be even more destructive to a marriage than extramarital sex. An extramarital affair that involves both sexual intercourse and a deep emotional attachment poses the greatest threat -- and this is the kind of intense infidelity that is becoming more common. In the new crisis of infidelity, more men are getting emotionally involved, and more women are getting sexually involved.
Dr. Glass provides a step-by-step guide through the stages of suspiciousness, revelation, and healing. She gives couples in the midst of turmoil the tools to reestablish safety and foster hope. Healing is not possible until the full story of the affair has been shared. Dr. Glass gives concrete advice about how to tell, what to tell, and when to tell. Eye-opening quizzes help you explore personal vulnerabilities and outside influences to ensure safe friendships and secure marriages. With Dr. Glass's profound, practical guidance, recovery and healing is possible for both partners.
Whether you are an involved partner, a betrayed partner, an affair partner -- or a therapist who would welcome a proven, trauma-based approach to healing infidelity -- you will find wise, nonjudgmental counsel in NOT "Just Friends."
- Free Press, November 2007
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