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My future, My destiny, My focus, My life. —ENVY
As long as I can remember, it seems like the excuses of men get weaker and weaker concerning them doing something wrong in a relationship. What can I say? Shit happens. Are women any different really than men are? What is next after the tables have turned! This is about how dishonesty plays a big part in our lives. For some reasons, some people find it easier to tell a lie than to tell the truth. You decide. It begins.
“I wish you would stop bugging me over and over again. I told you that I am not cheating on you! What the fuck do you want from me?” James kept saying over and over as he slammed the door and left again, claiming that he was playing cards with his friends, but I knew that he was going to go sleep with his ex-girlfriend. He knew that I knew, but I guess, to ease the pain, he thought it was necessary to lie about it! What fucking nerve did he have thinking that I didn’t know what was going on?
The door slammed and out he went. I sat on the couch and thought to myself, If he wants to play this game with me, then I will be the one with the last laugh, and when I laugh, everybody listens. When he left the house, I started packing and packing and I never looked back.
I knew he was going to come to my job looking for me, but I had security get him out of the building at his first sighting. I really didn’t want to see him or hear from him. At that point, I really didn’t care if my co-workers knew or not what was going on with my personal situation as long as everyone knew that he and I were not a couple anymore. As a matter of fact, the ignorance of the people at this particular job probably already knew that he was doing this. After all, he worked over at the next building and they couldn’t help not to see him in his so-called business lunches, which really was his time to sneak away and have sex with someone!
One day, for the hell of it, I followed him, and he ended up at some apartment complex. It looked real shady, and I thought to myself, Wow, he really is taking this shit to another level coming down here. He actually stayed in the car and pulled out his cell phone and looked over his shoulder while making the call, and suddenly a tall black woman with a long blond wig showed up and got in his car. He then pulled off, and I pulled off behind the both of them.
They pulled up into a cheesy motel, and both of them got out of the car. He walked up to the window, pulled out cash, and got the key! They went into the room, and I was sitting in my car with binoculars and I could see a good view until she got up and closed the curtains. I sat in my car, not really shocked at that point. I was just disappointed in men. Why do men let you down so much? Is flesh that weak that men just lie about the simplest things or the simplest question? “Do you want me? Do you want to be with me? If you don’t just tell me”—this is what the woman normally says, but is her question ever answered? No! Therefore we take things into our own hands. I am definitely going to meet someone and settle down, and when I do meet him, I will know. So long to James and his cheating ass! Let someone else deal with his shit.
I sat there until they closed the curtains and knew that I made the right decision to follow him. He wasn’t going to walk over me again. In my opinion, that was when I created my “bitchy” attitude. I was actually called this one day. It didn’t seem to bother me because I wasn’t considering myself a bitch. I just wasn’t going to let someone think that I was going to be that person’s doormat.
My heart became dark, and cold. I am not saying that I was bitter, but I definitely didn’t have any love for the men that came into my life. I thought in my mind that they all were the same at one point—spineless, greedy, and selfish. I must say I thought I knew James, but we were formerly introduced ab

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