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Ask Luigi: Expert Advice for The Cosa Nostra Community

Humor: laugh, or else...

These days it seems every group you can imagine has an advice column tailored to their special needs and mindset. So I was not terribly surprised when a boyhood friend from Brooklyn, N.Y. sent me an issue of a snail mail periodical called "The LCN Newsletter."

There were a number of departments - Who's On Trial, Who's Going Away, Who's Getting Off, Who Ratted Out Who and is in Witness Protection, Obituaries - but the one that grabbed me was an advice column from "Luigi Falcone," which I am reprinting despite the warning about not doing so.
* * *
About Mr. Falcone

"Luigi Falcone" is a former Capo Regime, Consigliere, and Underboss from one of New York's famous five families and is a Man of Respect.

Though he no longer does field work, Mr. Falcone is available for consultation and if the situation warrants he can speak to the National Commission (or what is left of it) on your behalf but that will cost big bucks in cash money upfront in small denominations with non sequential serial numbers.

All letters received are burned after reading. If your question does not appear in this column in the next two issues fageddaboutit and DO NOT WRITE A SECOND TIME. This will annoy Mr. Falcone and he is someone you do not want to annoy.

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