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Synopsis

(EDIT: THIS BOOK IS NOT LIKE THE OTHER PICKLES THE PARROT BOOKS - IT IS JUST A COLLECTION OF HIS EARLY YEARS OF FACEBOOK POSTS. THE OTHER 3 BOOKS ARE MOSTLY ABOUT LIVING WITH A PARROT (PICKLES) AND ALL THE HUMOUR AND FUN THAT GOES WITH IT. THIS BOOK, 'PICKLES THE PARROT SPEAKS' IS WHAT I WOULD CALL A COFFEE TABLE OR 'SHITTER' BOOK - ONE THAT YOU WOULD JUST READ A FEW PARAGRAPHS, OR A PAGE AT A TIME.)

Excerpt:

~ You know what it is that I hate the most? It's not broccoli and it's not bananas. No, wait. It is broccoli. I got mixed up. ~

~ My navigation's a little off since the wing clip. Daddy's shoulder was my intended destination as he walked into the room but his crotch was where I crash landed. His PJ's aren't well cushioned for talons and I didn't mean to grab his nads but I don't know why he carries his baggage on the outside like that. He should tuck it in, like us birds. ~

~ If you know someone who is an idiot, you shouldn't keep saying it in front of your parrot and expect your parrot to keep the secret when you invite the idiot over for coffee. Just sayin'. ~

~ I speak in 3 voices - mom's, dad's and my own. Nobody knows who's talking to whom around here from another room. Yet, everybody answers to everybody. One day, I'm gonna call out "Hey, wanna fool around?" and see if anybody heads toward the bedroom. ~

~ Mom was trying to talk to me and I didn't feel like talking so I said "No speaka English" and she said "Yes you do - that's ALL you speak!". I said "No comprendo", she said "Yes you do" so I said "Ich verstehe nicht" then she asked what I wanted for lunch and I said "Potato please". "AHA!" she said. Foiled again. ~

~ I've been particularly talkative and animated today while mom's been trying to concentrate on writing her book. I yelled at her and she told me "Put a sock in it!" I liked those words so I started yelling "Sockinit! Sockinit! Sockinit!" Mom got frustrated and hollered "PICKLES!!!!" and I said "That's my name, don't put a sock in it!" ~

~ Mom says I ask too many questions. What's that supposed to mean? What's too many? Five? 100? 1000? Don't you think she should've told me ahead of time so I don't use them all up? Oh crap - now I’m 6 questions closer to the limit. ~

~ This morning, nobody was around so I called out "Anybody home?" And mommy answered, "Nobody home but us mice!" I was surprised that mice could talk but at least I had company. I went looking for said mice but got distracted by a pop can. ~
~ Mom wasn't happy about being down on her knees cleaning under my cage and she said she lost something. "What?" I said, "Not my little pink piggy?!" She said, "No, I've lost my dignity". "Oh" I said, "Cuz I really need that little piggy." ~

~ When I die and go to the Pearly Gates to be judged, I'm gonna snap all those pearls off the gates and play with them. I hope that doesn't influence their decision. ~

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