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Are you a monster? I mean a real-life, fire-breathing, cat eating, disgusting monster? If so, this is the book for you. How do I know? Because, as far as I know, this is the only book actually ever written by a monster, even if that monster is only a kid (me). If you’re a monster like me, you need some help. Not help doing your math homework or picking out what to wear to school, but help not eating the math teacher and finding clothes that still cover your deformed body. You need to figure out how to be a monster trapped inside of a regular kid’s body, how to live a normal life when you’re obviously no longer normal. And you’d better figure it out quick, because the kids at school, nosy relatives, and creepy government agents in black suits are all trying to discover your secrets, and it only gets worse from there. If this all sounds a little too familiar, buy this book and get out of the bookstore before someone notices the tail sticking out of the top of your pants. That never ends well.

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