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What happens when Adam and Eve populate the world through inbreeding?

Pretty much what you’d expect – bestiality, cold-blooded murder and a lot of confusingly-similar names.

Jared and the rest of his crew attempt to ambush goody two-shoes Enoch, while Lamech tries to cover up the accidental murder of his great-great-great grandfather, only to end up at the mercy of his vengeful wives.

All this, and more, in Genesis 5: Adam’s F**ked Up Family Tree.

Welcome to The New Old Testament, the book that will have you asking the question: "If we're as messed-up as we are, and God made us in his image, then what the hell must he be like?"

The New Old Testament is a re-imagining of the Bible as told to you by the drunk guy at the party. A drunk guy who seriously knows his scripture.

Whether or not you believe it actually happened, the Bible is a fascinating story, full of great characters, epic battles and incredible journeys. There's sex, there's love, there's betrayal, there's revenge. All that without any of the "sayeth's" or "unto's" or "thou's" that might have scared you off last time.

You're already familiar with its most famous characters - Noah, Moses, David and Goliath. Why not get to know Joshua, Elijah and Judah Maccabee? Seriously, some of the most badass heroes in literature can be found right there in the Old Testament.

So if you've always had a passing interest in the Bible but found the language to be way too dense, The New Old Testament has gone ahead and stripped out anything nonessential, keeping only the best, filthiest, most brutally horrifying parts. Especially the parts they leave out in church.

If the very thought of that made you tense up, then this probably isn't the book for you. If, on the other hand, you found yourself smiling, or at the very least, raising an eyebrow, you just might be in the right place.

For a fast-flowing, faithfully unfaithful, reverently irreverent, humbly boastful re-imagining of the Bible, download your copy today!

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